Cookie Monster

The idea behind Skinnerian Neobehaviorism,
or operant conditioning,
is based on positive reinforcement.
The surest way to reinforce a behavior
is through a system of rewards.
My dog Sufjan is a big fan of Skinnerian Neobehaviorism.
Example: when Sufjan refrains from
jumping on guests entering my house,
he is rewarded with bits of hot dog.
My life is better because my guests aren't being assaulted,
and Sufjan's life is better because hot dog.

And though we humans like to think of ourselves
as far more complex creatures
the truth is that operant conditioning works really well with people, too.
Humans are more likely to continue a behavior if they
are being rewarded for it.

Example: when I was a kid, I had a chore chart,
and I got stickers for doing things like cleaning the bathroom.
Today I clean the bathroom not because I'm dying for
one more Lisa Frank rainbow tiger cub, but because
I actually believe in the importance of personal hygiene.
But it took a little while for that understanding to evolve.

I bring all this up because I was recently left with a bitter
taste in my mouth from an encounter I witnessed second-hand.

The argument was that it's annoying when people in positions of privilege
acknowledge that privilege, and then get rewarded for it.
That they shouldn't get cookies for that.

At first I was offended. As a white person having realized the ways she has
unwittingly benefited from institutionalized racism, why shouldn't I
have a forum to discuss wanting to reject that system, and
to discuss the process of sussing out how to do that?

And then I remembered how I sometimes get annoyed when a guy stands
at this very microphone and gets mega-audience praise for
saying that violence against women is unacceptable. I roll my eyes
because women have been saying that for a long time, and why
should he get a cookie for saying these things? He gets rewarded
because it's so novel for a dude to acknowledge the patently obvious
fact that rape is a terrible idea. Oh good. You figured it out. Yay.

I have these inclinations, too. The instinct to expect that everyone
has had the same life exposures I have.  But the truth is,
not everybody got to take Discourse in Feminism, or African Diaspora
Studies courses at college. Not everybody got to go to college.
Some people did go to college and it reinforced their shitty opinions.

So I've decided. When a person gets up on this stage and states a truth,
even if that truth has been crystal clear to me for a long time,
I say, they get cookies.

I mean, we're speaking metaphorically here. There's no finite number of cookies.
It's not like we're going to run out.
There is no limit to the praise we can give our fellow humans.
No limit to how we can lift each other up
when we get better at seeing each other as people
wading through a thousand different labels of
race, gender identity, ability, sexuality, nationality, language,
We're just people trying to navigate a world we inherited
and want to make better.

So yes, dude who is JUST NOW figuring out that "bitch"
is not a respectful way to address a woman.
Yes, friend who recently stopped adding the phrase "No homo"
to the end of every paragraph.
Yes, white girl who wants to change a system that rewards her for being white.
And yes, dear friends who have been screaming your throats raw
trying to make these truths heard for a long, too long, time.
You get a cookie.

And if somebody tries to say that you don't, come over to my house.
I'll be baking all evening.