In Which I Begin "Operation Suck Less."

That's what I'm calling it.
I've decided.

The title is practically the most important part, right?

I'm ready.

Suck less.


It's a three-fold mission, encompassing the following concepts:
Be honest, develop a spine, and take care of myself.
The idea is that those things that make me wail,
"Augh, why do I suck so much?"
Will no longer have a place setting at my table.

So, next time you ask me why I didn't call you,
I will say, "Because I got distracted by life!"
Instead of,
"Um, I dropped my phone into a sewage drain.
It's cool, though. I got it back this morning."

And next time you suggest we go to Hello Sushi
Even though you know I don't eat seafood
And the pop art and intense techno music give me heart palpitations,
I will say, "No! Let's have cereal for dinner."

Choice of Rivers

You died.

It was not as bad as it might have been.
There was crying, cursing, pleading,
Yes, but altogether, it was not graphic.
Your friend held your hand, and even when
You shuddered and sobbed, he didn't look away.
And then you died.

You were broken into thousands of pieces
And your more ethereal parts arose.
Somehow still achy, you floated down
Between two rivers.
And a raisin-skinned man received you
With smoke on his tongue,
Gestured to the rivers
And said, "We begin again. But first you choose.
Lethe or Mnemosyne?"

Lethe beckoned to you.
This river, she proffered toothsome forgetfulness.
She sang, but didn't stop at singing.
She hummed, rocked, swayed.
When you peered in to plumb her,
She gleamed back, inviting nothingness,
Charming satin, enveloping nothingness.

You turned to see the other river,
And Mnemosyne sneered.
Glowering from her bed,
She dared you to test her depths.
When you looked, you did not see
Attractive bubbles, gentle currents,
But instead saw your own reflection.

It was aflame with memory:
The sting of every wound,
The hiss of your breath outward,
Exit lover and colder hands on your shoulders.
Things you learned the hard way.
This was what she offered,
Stark and unrelenting.

You stood, then, on the bank between rivers
While the raisin-skinned man waited
And you did not know which water to drink.
Is it better, you thought, to try again and not know?
You looked to the papery old man
Hoping for some indication.
But he offered no advice, no testimony.

Lethe glimmered, promising you a fresh start.
She wound serenely, attractively,
As if to say, Choose me
And you can be someone new.
Sip and forget.

Mnemosyne was irritable.
She sloshed and steamed, and clearly her tide
Did not believe in sipping
You are not and will not be new, he heard.
But you will be as you are
And what you have suffered will stay with you.
Choose what you will.
Either way you will end up here again one day.

You recalled your life, and the gifts you had wished for,
The times you had prayed to the gods
To make you someone else.
This would be your chance to undress yourself
Of your old foibles and mistakes.

So you knelt at the side of Lethe
And sipped from your cupped hands the opalescent drought.
As promised, you felt nothing.
Nothingness, tumbling over emptiness,
Giving way to a vacuum, a drafty oubliette.

Missteps erased, you alit back on the earth.
You began anew, blissfully unaware of your past lives.
And you lived for a while, until you died.
It was not as bad as it might have been.

Achy from the loss of your body,
You floated down between two rivers.

On Having Grown Up

The appearance of loveliness wore off gradually.
It started with the faerie dust, which had to be swept
From crevices in the Wendy House.
The island in the clouds became a kitchen peninsula,
Fading into a grout and tile countertop.
She had known it would be a compromise,
But couldn't have guessed
How he would sulk when she did not want to fly,
Or how he'd become impatient when the illusion broke
And he came to understand
That calling himself Father didn't really make him one.
How he didn't want to come home.
Their lives more and more embodied Never-Never
And the boy she had married was a real person,
Who still dreamt of fighting pirates and Indians
But resigned, instead, to a mortgage.

Citypaint

She had brushes, sponges,
Cheap acryclics, and inks.
And I had spray paint, glitter,
And peanut butter sandwiches.
We looked for a project,
Something to make beautiful.

So we looked where we thought
Things were not yet beautiful.
We painted a bench on the levee,
Made little glittery hearts and
I asked, "Is this art?"
She said, "Probably."

We drove north of town,
Saw men with hard faces
Men on porches
Men with cardboard signs
Men, whistling, asking, and eying.
I thought about glittering the street.
I asked, "Is this art?"
And she said, "No, this is life."

We found a blue house
With creepers over the windows
("It's probably haunted.")
("Yes, probably.")
("I dare you to touch the door.")
("No, you touch the door.")

We found beautiful things,
Things that were not childproof
And things that had been abandoned.
We huddled back into my room,
Pulled blankets up to our noses,
And wondered about our adventures.
I asked, "Is this art?"
And she said, "No, this is love."

One two punch

Shut up, I'm being profound.

I want an obscure line of mine
To end up as the title of a really good
Film at Sundance or Cannes.

I don't know what I want to say.
I just want it to mean something.

Tuesday song (in progress)

Tuesday Song

Oh Tuesday, Tuesday
She had rhythm in her knees
In her elbows and her pockets
And her mama couldn't stop it

Oh honey it was black-eyed peas
Oh honey it was rhythm in her knees
And oh honey it was pink lemonade
And oh honey it was black-eyed peas

Tuesday, Tuesday, she whipped her braids around
Some slick young cat
He liked the sway of her back
So whistling at those swinging braids
He yowled and wound around her legs

Oh honey, it was stars and the moon
Oh honey, it was black jelly beans
And oh honey it was cherry cherry pie
And oh honey, it was stars and the moon

And Tuesday's tapping
Her way around the kitchen
Where, oh honey, it was black-eyed peas
Oh honey, it was pink lemonade
And Tuesday, Tuesday
Over-salted those black eyed peas
And if you know anything
Well, you know what that means

Can only mean Tuesday's in love
And there's no reasoning with somebody in love
And her mama said,
"Don't you do that dance
And bring trouble into my kitchen."

So Tuesday, she danced herself
Right out of the house
Tuesday, she danced herself
Right out into the rain
Where that slick young cat
Who liked the sway of her back
Didn't like so much
All her mama's fuss

Saw her tapping, tapping down the street
Humming, singing "Oh Glory be"
Before that song had left her mouth
He was a-running on his way south

Where, oh honey, birds fly in v’s
Oh honey, it was tall palm trees
Oh honey, it was sunny all the time
And not a trace of black-eyed peas

Poor Tuesday found
Her rhythm slowed down

If I wrote slam poetry, it would start like this...

This battle you speak of
With your fist raised high
It's not so much a battle
As it is a lullaby
And yes, there are fighters
Who say, "Now that ain't right"
But even they go home
And turn on their tv's at night
And I, among them
Can't for a moment deny
The pervasive appeal
Of the American lullaby

4252 N. Harrison Street, Apt. 388

Encased squarely by our silly concrete floors
And the wrapping paper walls, we can hear
The neighbors watching pro-wrestling
When we're on the floral couch.
The lights short and it's dark in our hidey hole
Where ramen noodles
Dump MSG into our bloodstreams.
We learn not to glance over at movement
Because it's probably something
With six legs and an exoskeleton.
If you listen to both drips,
The shower and the sink,
They make a little waltz
Which is what you and I are doing here.
Nothing fancy, just a little waltz,
And our peasant feet give light to
The one-two-three of the
Water-wasting rhythm

Incantation (or, Sometimes I Wish I Were a Voodoo Queen)

Red swamp lady, call now to me
Resound below the waterline
Belay my hands, sweet sugar water
For that man, dark and leonine
Invocation, exhalation
Legba runs with les Mystères
With proud loa, dancing cobra
Mask the smell of burning hair
Daytime mister, speak in whispers
Fishermen’s knots work under my skin
Moon-eyed sister, mossy vista
Into my fabric press round little pins

sprog thoughts

200 33rd St. squats phonetically in a cactus garden
Where the front step slants so I have to run past the sprinkler
And stop on a dime so I don't hit my shins on the
Second step up, but then a breath and I'm inside where it's
Palpable love, and Diorite the Awkward Cat
Straddles the wingback.
The shopping carts are piled high
With sixty-something loaves of bread
And countless onions
(Here I am lying about countless, because there were ninety)
And that's just the first round and then
Timid smiles sidle up to peanut butter sandwiches.
The heat gets into my hair and my clothes, and I chop
Onions and more onions, and its dry
like nothing Louisiana has ever considered.
From the very first night, when I soak through my blanket,
I know good things are coming
So I cook and my apron pockets fill and the week blurs
Into sweat and endless chopping, punctuated by a beautiful,
Beautiful storm and its accompanying game
Of lap tag and rain dancing.
And I cannot imagine loving them more when I hear that
Yes I am angry, and yes you are angry,
But isn't it amazing how Love is bigger?
So we link into a new kind of trust, and I learn
That Matt has soft eyes and he speaks
To us as though we were in on his inside joke
And Gustavo always comes back for
Vegan seconds, and Lizzie knows every Disney
Song ever made, god help us, and Amanda is moved
To her very bones so she breaks
Down in the girl's bathroom where Katie,
With her heart-shaped face and round blue
Eyes and no clue what she's worth, says "It's okay, love.
We'll never forget, we'll never forget." So when they,
Red-eyed, come out of the bathroom we
Melt into the most healing kind of laughter.
We embark bravely into anti-oppression and all
Gasp audibly when Noel says that
She and her family were mistaken for the live-in help,
And the simulation arrives and everybody's
Brows knit and maybe we get a little
Snappish the night before but when the
Morning comes Anna heaves in her
Smoker's voice, and Rachel talks through
Her nose, and nobody can stop
Laughing at how ridiculous we all are.
And what I will remember
Comes not from the chopping and chopping of vegetables,
Or the way my feet pound for hours
After I've sat down, but from the way Rachel
Lights up on her birthday when we
Present her with lemon poppy seed cake, or
The way Adelaide doesn't even hesitate
To jump into harmony with me, or how
Acadia and I make a secret fort
Under the picnic table and discover
That she over-salted the pancakes because she
Is in love, and I understand, I understand
Because I've stumbled upon so many
New soul mates that I am certain
I will never feel totally alone again